Opinion: Aging

Specifically, my own aging. As I moved from the early twenties to the later twenties this past week, I realized this birthday felt a bit different. In past years, I've always felt that the upcoming year and age would in some ways increase my maturity, wisdom, self-confidence/poise/acceptance, etc. And while I'm sure that my future experiences will continue to contribute to my personal growth, I don't feel I will change significantly in any of the aforementioned qualities this year. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel more stabilized (or more 'plateaued' to be more negative sounding) than I ever have before. Not saying this is good or bad, I'm just saying that it is what it is. There are many things that I hope to get accomplished this year, and I intend to keep growing as a person. But maybe there is a more established baseline than there was before.

I think about what gives me meaning, the people in my life, and my insecurities about it all. For the first time I think how it would be to take care of others instead of being taken care of. Sure, I still worry about self-reliance, but I know the only option I have is to do what I can do. And honestly, that's not a bad option to have.

I don't always get things right; I can be downright slow; sometimes others won't like me; sometimes I won't like others. But there will always be an answer, a way to work around the obstacles. I am more confident in this than I was before.

I wonder if I will ever know what it is like to hold a child, my own, in my arms. It's okay if I never do, but I wonder nonetheless. I make an effort to be nice to my parents now.